Oxford University Association Football Club

Biography

A Paul Merson wannabe (although faster, slimmer and much younger), Edmiston has modelled his game around his searing pace and his unique ability to bounce off tackles left,right and centre. After being singled out by the oppoisition for most of this season, for a still unknown reason, Alex has received his fair share of hard, and often unfair challenges. This however has not deterred him and recent weeks have seen this young winger captivating the substantial crowds at Queen’s with mazy runs, making Cristiano Ronaldo look like a poor relation to John O’Shea.
Indeed, the crowds are lucky to have the opportunity to see “Misty” in full flow. After retiring at the age of 12 due to undisclosed reasons (he still refuses to talk in public about this issue), he decided to make a George Foreman-esque return to the footballing arena. Pre-season training saw the new boy take centre stage, and he was ushered into the 1st XI by manager Max Olds, who was delighted with his free signing. “Obviously after 6 years out of the game, he looked rusty initially, but the lad oozes class, and I hope he can be a match-winner on occasions for us this season”. Those occasions have so far failed to materialize but one suspects it is only a matter of time before the bigger clubs sit up and take notice.
One of the bigger clubs who have already expressed an interest is Arsenal. Alex, a boyhood fan, has on several occasions publicly expressed his desire to make the move to the Emirates, but rumours have it the compensation package is a stumbling block. “I’m flattered by the interest Arsene has shown in me, but I’ve just settled down at Queen’s, and I’m really looking to push on and get this club back to where it belongs in the JCR 1st division. In the future though I would love to play for Arsenal, and if the opportunity arose I’d be willing to move” said Edmiston.
According to Arsenal sources, Wenger has been left infuriated by the inability of his scouts to spot this untapped potential before he was snapped up by Queen’s. An insider who does not wish to be name said, “Arsene’s been really bad-tempered these last few days, those scouts were watching Edminston in the parks all last year, yet failed to make a move. Then that club called Queen’s just signed him up, and that really set him off, it was unbearable at times”. Rumours of a food fight between Wenger and his scouts continue to linger, with one wondering whether Cesc Fabregas again displayed his pizza-throwing abilities.
With scouts now constantly monitoring Edminston, it was no surprise to see a sizeable gathering at a recent 3rd XI game. Alex, looking to develop his match sharpness, made a 45 minute cameo, after watching his future team-mates play Man United. Although the team result was satisfying for him, Misty was left disappointed with his personal contribution and subsequently made the following statement after being chucked out of the college bar. “ I used to play in the parks with their keeper, and he’s shit and he knew it. That bloody Kelly never passed it to me, he thinks he’s made it big-time, but who’s Wenger got his eye on eh? When I hit the post near the end, I questioned why I came back to football. I swear it was going in, but those molehills are a fucking nightmare, it won’t be like that at Arsenal I bet.”
Whether Edmiston gets the chance to play with Adebayor and co is another question but in the meantime, Olds is praying that their lightning winger can start to give the kind of performances people know he is capable of. “In parks when I watched him, he was shit-hot. He skinned 5 players and nut-megged the keeper, that’s what I like about the lad, and it’s only a matter of time.”