Oxford University Association Football Club

Biography

Like Kris Akibussi - tall, black, strong and loud - this fine young specimen has become appreciated by his Queen's team mates - Brazil's answer to Darren Bent. His Brazilian flair often shines through in the opposition's half, and combined with a change of pace feared throughout the league, Enoch has settled comfortably in the Queen's 1st XI squad.

In the history of this promising youth player, the date of Saturday, 4th week, may go down in legend. Inspired by watching Arsenal v Man United, Alfie skipped down to play 45 minutes for the animals. For bright pink sock,s you would have thought he would make the headlines, but his goalscoring feats were far more memorable. A debut hat-trick for the mighty Queen's 3rd XI inside 45 minutes sealed his place in the Hall of Fame at Queen's. Enoch himself, was surprisingly modest; "Well, you know, I just tried to get in amongst the action, and really the plaudits should be for those other guys out there, I just put the finishing touches to our moves, so yeh I'm pleased but for the team, not myself". Asked if he was spurred on by watching the game beforehand he replied, "when John O'Shea came on, you know, I watched how efficient he was with the ball, and tried to model that into my game. I'd like to think my goals reflect that".

Riot has broken out in the favelas of brazil after Alfie told Brazil manager Dunga he would not be available for Brazils upcoming world cup qualifiers against peru and urugay. After sealing his £4.8m move to Queen's in the summer, manager Max Olds has been reuluctant to see his teenage prodigy return to South America arguing Enoch 'cant take the strain of 18hour flights, and Brazil's prevalence of loose women and buffet lunches - we dont want him go like Ronaldo - fat - or Maradona - drug and sex addict - i just wont let it happen to my boy.' The Barzillian media have dubbed Alfio (as he is known in his native tongue) 'El greddio' - which literally translates from Portugese to English as 'the greedy one.' The nickname is syononomous with Alie's decision to move to Europe despite impressing at Corinthians - his preference for the big money the Queen's Chairman - the Dean - was prepared to offer him. Alfie's agent read the following statement outside his Oxfordshire estate after the match with Univ, 'Mr. Enoch would like to categorically deny allegetions that he said to a reporter outside The Brige "Dunga doesn't pay me a peny to play for Brazil, so he can fuck right back off to Rio for all I care - I'm sure they can manage against Nobby Salano and whatever other shite Peru produce without me" - and reassert his brizilianess and commitment to what he decribes the "motherland". His decision to make himself unavaialabe for the upcoming qualifiers is linked to a minor injury in his groin, but as a gesture of good will to the people of Brazil, he will be donating £1000 to favela redevolopment projects for every goal this season for the 1sts.' Critics have argued that this is a cycnical gesture in light of the fact enoch is yet to register on the scoresheet!

Elsewhere Alfie is becoming known for his off the field prowess as much as his on the field prowess, particularly his all-action dancing.